I have found that forgiveness requires a period of grieving and accepting the end of what I had hoped for, of what had never happened and now never happen. I've been there and done that.  I also thought that I had forgiven the hurt caused but I now realize that this is something I am going to need to work on.  Maybe it's more the hurt that I haven't worked through rather than the forgiveness....I'm not entirely sure.  What I do know, is that whenever things do come up I feel like I am being cut to the core once again. 

Part of me would stand straight up and tell you that I have every right to feel this way, that I was hurt beyond what anyone should be and that my feelings are even more justified as the person who caused this pain is oblivious to it, doesn't acknowledge the wrong doing. BUT my spirit also knows that this is not how I should live my life, that Grace is free to me and that I should extend this gift. I ask God to help me forgive once again.

I can't help but wonder if part of the problem is that perhaps I haven't yet fully forgiven myself either.  Forgiven myself for the situation, for staying there, for allowing myself to get so hurt by it all.

I know that there is work to be done here, and perhaps its not going to be a one time thing but rather an everyday thing.  But the thing is that I don't want my life to get stuck in this point, to miss out on my future because I have been unable to let go of the past.