I thought i would share some tips with you guys on some strategies that i have been putting together to try to help me with this journey. I have collected these from several different sites and books over the past few months.

1. Be Consistent
So i know that this, all on its own, is very difficult. But in order to achieve something, whatever it is, you have to be consistent. You have to exercise consistently, eat healthy consistently, drink water consistently. Tough but true.

2. Focus on what you can do daily
Its the small steps that help you reach your big goals. Try finding one thing you can do a day or a week and stick with it. Be it to eat your 5 a day or simply to stick to your points - pick something and focus on it.

3. Start Small
Something that is small we can do. Something that is huge and overwhelming is a lot more difficult! So, start small and keep it small. And remember, its those small steps and small goals that add up to the big one!

4. Write it down
Or tell someone who you can be accountable to. That is the purpose ( or at least part of the purpose) for my blog.

5. Don't be afraid to try something new
We get board easily. If you don't try something new you might slip back into old habits. Try a new exercise class, a new recipe or a new vegetable. Just keep it fresh!

6. Don't expect too much
We all face set backs. Life is full of them so BE PREPARED. If you are lucky enough not to have come across one yet, then don't dispare. At some point you will. Expect them to arrive at some point, have a plan and carry on.

7. Stick with it
When you do have those setbacks, those bad weeks, then above all else STICK WITH IT. If your plan has been working for the past five weeks and now you have had two weeks of staying the same or even a gain, don't worry. Stick with it.

8. Have Fun
Who wants to do anything that is horrible. So keep with it make sure that you are having fun. Get the family or friends involved, try something new. Have fun.

We had a great Fathers day today. My mom cooked a Lamb roast and we spent the afternoon round their place laughing and making memoreis.

* to have a job that i enjoy and that pays me well
* to live in a flat that i love and that feels like home
* because i am healthy
* to have the family that i do
* because God is in charge of my future
* to be proudly South African
* to have lived on three different continents and have good friends from as many
* knowing that i have a great future ahead of me

Weight gain: 0.5 pounds
Total loss: 49 pounds

This week i gained half a pound. I am dissapointed with it and am resolving myself to having to drop my points from 25, which is my given point allawance, to 22 which is my fast track points. I just dont seem to be loseing any weight when i have my 25 points a day.

This week i did three hours at the gym which is good.

Here is to next week!

"Being happy is the cornerstone of all that you are! Nothing is more important than that you feel good! And you have absolute and utter control about that because you can choose the thought that makes you worry or the thought that makes you happy; the things that thrill you, or the things that worry you. You have the choice in every moment."- Abraham Hicks

Read it again and again and again, until it resonates in your soul. We all want to be happy, live a happy life but sometimes its just not as simple as that. I have been battling with this for a while, happiness. At what point do you get to take hold of that happiness? Do you have a right to be happy at someone else's expense? Is it OK for someone to hurt because you want to be happy?

These are some of the questions that have been running through my soul. Eighteen months ago i decided that i was going to leave my fiance of 7 years. There were many reasons, at least that is what i told myself, but the more i have been thinking about it the more i realise that most of those reasons boil down to one......... i wasn't happy and i wanted to be.

But you see, here i sit, with all this time that has passed and i ask myself if me being happy was worth hurting the man that i love? The thing is, is that we have still managed to stay friends, best friends. I don't know how it works and i know that people have varying opinions on that, but this aside he means the world to me. The past few weeks i have realised just how much i hurt him by leaving. He is lonely and doubts himself and thinks that he is not good enough. I never wanted that for him, i never meant to hurt him.

But there is always that other side of the coin...... other than these feelings that i have at the moment. I can genuinely and honestly say that i am happy. I am so much happier than what i was just eighteen months ago. Happier with my life, with myself and with my future. I wake up each morning with hope.....and lately guilt.

If happiness is a choice that we make minute after minute, how do we live with those same minutes which brings me happiness while bringing the man that i love pain?

I have had a bit of a difficult day today. Tomorrow night i am going out with the girls from work and their other halves to the theatre. I wanted to wear a nice summer dress - you know, to look nice. Well, this afternoon i popped to our shopping centre after work to find something to wear.

I found nothing! It either didn't fit, was too big around my boobs or was just way too short. Yes, i have lost almost 50 pounds but i need to remember that i am still big and that i have a way to go before the mirror will reflect the idea in my head.

I don't know what i am going to wear tomorrow.

Hello an endless supply of possibilities....

So, i decided to join up to Match.com this evening. I took the one months membership to see how it goes. Scary or what! I'm not very good with new guys - i get all shy and self conscious BUT if i am ever to meet someone new then i am going to have to be brave and put myself out there. So, hopefully this is the start of a very exciting journey. One filled with lots of laughter, many horror stories i am sure and if all works out, perhaps even my dream guy.

I am very sad to say that until now, i have never owned a pair of Nike shoes. I know, its sad, but my folks where never big on spending out tons of money for a name when the cheaper version would do. And i understand, i do.

But i have now bought my very first pair of Nike trainers for the gym. I love them. They are so comfortable and look so good on my feet.

* Went out to a little village pub on Friday night
* Been to body combat twice this weekend
* My stomach muscles are still hurting from said body combat experience
* Had one of my best friends round for dinner
* Had my family round for Sunday lunch
* Had a lay in
* Cleaned up my flat
* My neighbours have done nothing but go at it all weekend
* Above all, i relaxed

I didn't realise how big i was or just how much the scales said. All this time i thought that my highest weight was 283lbs. This morning however, while cleaning out my flat, i found my notebook that had all my weights listed.

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

- Derek Walcott

And i don't mean with food. During the period of my life that i was handling my emotions, fears and happiness with food, the only thing that i thought about when i needed a pick me up was food. If it was chocolate and considered naughty then that would be the prefect treat for me.