Live Brave: March 2012

Today has certainly been a curve ball day. First day back at work and the first thing my manager said to me when I walked in was, "We need to talk". That never bodes well when you have been off work on holiday for a few days!

I followed her to one of our meeting rooms downstairs and found myself unconsciously holding my breath as she began to speak. I heard words like script, not an easy decision, cost cutting, 90 days and potential job loses. My mind started racing and I had to remind myself to breath.

As it turns out, the business is going through a restructure and so in order to help cut costs, they have decided to end all the employees on 6 month contracts and all agency staff. This affects two of my team members and a total of eleven people in our department. Then she went on to say that all the team managers jobs (that would be mine) are also potentially at risk and that they would be making 3 managers in the credit department redundant.....and that we will have to re-apply for our own jobs and go through the interview process in order to try to secure our jobs. To add to this, there is a ninety day window before any further decisions are made and we are expected to go about our daily jobs as normal......not great news for your first day back from holiday.

The thing with curve balls, is that when they occur, you have two choices. You can either sit down and feel sorry for yourself OR you can put on your big girl pants and deal with it! That can mean many things to different people, but to me that means being strong, creating a plan of action and taking my cares to God.

So here I sit tonight trying to be strong, thinking about my options and most importantly taking my cares to God. Asking Him to help me make the right decisions, to open the doors that need opening and close those that shouldn't be walked through. The next ninety days are going to be tough, but I am confident that things will work out for the best.

Source

OK. So the picture above doesn't really have much relation to what i am posting about today but it really made me chuckle when i saw it so i thought i would share the love, so to speak.

I am now in the fourth year of studying part time towards my psychology degree and there are some things that I have noticed during this time. Things like the fact that the only way to get the reading done is to turn off my TV and climb into bed with my textbooks and a highlighter and that during the week that I am writing my assignment, i do nothing else other than go to work and then come home and work on the assignment.

I have also noticed that during that assignment week, I don't cook meals, I don't do any exercise, I don't watch TV and worst of all I only do the very bare minimum in relation to house chores. This is where i found myself last night. Assignment completed and submitted and a flat that looked like a hurricane had hit. So, i made myself some dinner and made a start on doing all those house chores....ironing, washing dishes, a quick vacuum and so forth. Once all of that was done, i stood in my lounge and my eyes moved towards my dinning room table. Completely covered in scrapbook supplies and study material.

I knew what I had to do, the table had to be cleaned. I started with my course work and laptop, threw away what i no longer needed and put the rest of it on the bookshelf. Then i moved onto the scrapbook supplies. That took me much longer but the feeling that I had at the end of it was like no other.

It reminded me that for me, living in a flat that is tidy and ordered brings peace to my soul. Sitting in a lounge where everything has been put away leaves me feeling calm, able to relax and happy to be where I am.

This simple feeling reminded me of how important it is to replicate this in my everyday life. Course work should not be an excuse to let things get cluttered and I need to remind myself that by taking the time to keep things in order, I will be doing an extra thing to look after myself.

Does clearing away the mess leave you feeling more relaxed?

A few days ago I came across a thing that a few people across the Internet are doing called 10 things. Each month you pick 10 things that you want to share. Any 10 things - it really doesn't matter. So here are 10 memories from my childhood...

1. Early years humiliation - I remember one day at nursery school, we were painting huge sheets of paper grey to make elephant ears. My best friend Scott and I took our very wet sheets of painted paper outside to help them dry a little faster when all of a sudden a gust of wind came out of no where and blew the sheet of wet paper up onto me. The sheet was as big as I was and i was covered from head to toe in grey paint!

2. Go Karts - My Dad made my brother and I this really cool go kart that you could drive by turning a string that was attached to the front wheels. We lived at the top of a small hill and on a Sunday afternoon, we were allowed to take the Go Kart out and ride down the hill. I remember going so fast down that hill and loving it!

3. Milkshakes - Probably about once every two months, my parents would take us to a Rhodehouse on a Saturday night and we were allowed to order something to eat and a milkshake. My favourite was a plate of chips and a chocolate milkshake. It felt so grown up being able to place my own order.

4. Holidays - We would have a family holiday once a year. We would wake up at some ridiculously early hour, hitch up the caravan and ride the 10 hours to the coast. We would then pitch the caravan tent followed by our own little tents. Every year this ended in arguments, but once we had all had some sleep the rest of the holiday was wonderful.

5. My Mom - Before I left for the states, my dear mom took me shopping with some money that she had been saving up for me. She bought me my first lot of makeup, some Tommy Hilfiger perfume and a gold necklace. The perfume is long finished and I still have the makeup that she bought me ( although I definitely don't use it ) but my favourite of these was the necklace - which i still wear nearly every day.

6. My Dad - My Dad and I had a very rocky relationship as a teenager. We are so opposite and yet so similar. While all these arguments made for very heated moments, today - my Dad and I are best of friends.....well, most of the time. :-)

7. Tigger - My first and only pet. My cousin gave me Tigger one Boxing Day. He was a little orange cat that was born without a tail. While he looked a little odd, he was my favourite. He used to love having his tummy tickled and would climb under the bed covers with me just to lie on his back so that i could tickle his tummy. He used to drink water directly from the tap. He purred like a sewing machine and tried to make friends with our parrot.

8. Being a good little girl - I was such a good girl at school. I always did my homework, studied very hard for all my tests, never stayed home sick ( OK, that was more down to my mom than me but I'll take it ) and I was made a Prefect. I NEVER bunked school, except for this one time and even then I felt so guilty that I made my friend come back to school with me.

9. Field Fires - Next to our house we had this massive filed which had a playground in it. Some swings, a see-saw, a fireman's pole, jungle gym and sandpit. We spent many of our school holiday hours there. The one thing that you could count on each year was that during winter, someone would set fire to the dry field and my family and our neighbours would all be out there trying to put the fires out. The good thing was that once it was burnt - they couldn't burn it again but sometimes those fires were pretty dangerous.

10. Earning some cash or perhaps it was more like punishment - Our neighbour had a peach tree that used to hang over the wall and our driveway. Towards the end of summer, that peach tree used to drop all of its ripe peaches and our car would squish them into the driveway. Some years, my parents would pay us a little pocket money to pick up all those squished, yukky peaches and other years they would use it as a punishment if we had been particularly naughty. Either way, it was a very mean form of punishment and they never really paid enough as a chore.

1. My relationship with my mom | My mom and I have such a great relationship. She is one of my best friends. I know that I can go to her when I need advice or support and I know that she will always be honest with me – even when it may not really be what I want to hear. I am so very grateful that she is in my life and that we have the connection that we do.

2. Personal growth | Looking back over the past 4 years I have been through some amazing personal growth. I am happier and emotionally healthier. I have recently begun taking some time to work on my confidence as well as setting up guardrails in my life. Slowly but surely, as each day goes by, I am starting to see more and more changes within myself. I am so grateful that I have been brave enough to open myself up to these changes and I am excited to see where this leads.

3. Crafting time | For a little while I stopped doing anything craft related. I felt like it was constantly reminding me of the relationship I no longer had, the children I desperately wanted but didn’t have and instead of my hobby encouraging me, I was finding it was adding to my negative feelings. So I took a break for a while. Towards the end of last year I decided it was time to take my supplies out of the cupboard and to begin to use art to express myself and to grow. I wanted to commit to something so that I could remain accountable on this journey and so I signed up to two different, 12 month projects. The time that I set aside for myself do create my pages or journal my thoughts has become really special to me and it is one of the things that I look forward to each and every week.

4. Persevering with my finances | I am so proud of myself. I can honestly say that I know how much money I have, where it goes to and what debt I owe. My finances showed a very different picture a few years ago, but I have worked hard, implemented some accountability and maintained discipline in the area of spending which has all played a part in getting me to where I am right now. I even have a little savings account set up with a decent amount of money in it. I have just booked and paid for two holidays, debt free, and I just wanted to share how grateful I am that things have worked out and that I have managed to get myself out of a bad situation and into a good one.

5. Holidays | And speaking of holidays, I am so grateful that I have two holidays booked for the first 6 months of this year. The last time I went on holiday was 2 years ago. I have had no weekends away and no downtime. I have been focusing so much on getting my finances sorted that those sorts of things needed to take a back seat. But now that they are in a better place and now that I am a little braver on my own, I am going on holiday. The first one is off to Iceland with my family for a long weekend and the second one is a week long holiday, on my own, at the seaside. Right now, in this moment, I am so very proud of myself.

It was my decision to end things with my ex. I knew that he wasnt the right person for me and I really believed that God would honour me and my decision with a Godly husband. Here I sit, four years later and there is still no sign of one. I don't know how much longer I need to wait and to be totally honest I am not sure if a husband is even on the cards for me - but I do believe that if we put God first, he will give us the desire of our hearts. And this is desire that I have had ever since I was a little girl. So I am holding onto my trust and to the promises of my Heavenly Daddy.

A few days ago I wrote about surrendering your dreams and desires to God and taking up the act of turning over those things to God. So that it goes out of my hands and into His. This is what I am having to do on a daily basis, and honestly, that is alright with me.

Yesterday I came across this prayer and I want to not only document it, but share it with you all.

Thank you God for all that you have planned for me and for all the good things that you are going to bring into my life.

Prayer for a Godly husband

Lord God, your Word declares that if I delight myself in you—if I enjoy and seek your pleasure

above mine—you'll give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). Desiring a husband is neither

evil nor selfish because marriage is honorable (Hebrews 13:4). At the beginning of creation, you

proclaimed, "It is not good that man should be alone" and then you created Eve to be a suitable

partner for Adam (Genesis 2:18). In the name of Jesus, I ask that you would protect the husband

—a suitable partner—you have chosen for me. Because the covenant of marriage is sacred

(Mark 10:9), I ask for a man of God. Please give me a husband whose love for me is only outmatched

by his love for you; a man who will cherish me and build me up (Proverbs 31:28); a man who will

honor me (I Peter 3:7) and our marriage vows; a man who will be a good father and provider; a

man whom I will be attracted to physically, emotionally, and spiritually; a man who will love me

as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). Keep me from attaching myself to another man out

of desperation. I will not settle for a relationship that's second best, convenient, or one that feeds

my insecurities. Guard my purity and give me the patience to wait. And when I meet him, confirm

to me that he is the one. Release from me the baggage of past relationships, and prepare me for

the man You have chosen to be my husband. Free me from any hindrances to a healthy and godly

marriage: insecurities, habitual sins, selfishness, and emotional hurts. Dispel my unrealistic

expectations that set me up for disappointment. I place my trust in you rather than my partner.

In this period of waiting, I will look to you alone to be my companion and best friend. You are

the one who redeems my life from the pit, who crowns me with love and compassion, who satisfies

my desires with good things (Psalm 103:4-5). I will not be anxious, but as I present my requests to

you, flood me with the peace that surpasses all understanding so my heart and my mind are guarded

in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6,7). In this request, I commit myself to trust you and do good, to dwell

in the land and feed on your faithfulness. I commit my way to you and trust that you will bring it to

pass (Psalm 37:35). Amen.

—Evangelist Constance Fleming

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