That's today's theme for sure. I just don't know. I just don't know. I have a lot on my mind and I'm tired of feeling as if I am never finding the answers, especially when it feels like everyone else has been "let in on the secret" except me. I just don't know.

I just don't know what I am going to do about my job situation. I'm grateful for the job I have, for the fact that it helps me to pay my bills, but I'm miserable 5 days a week. I hate the politics, I hate the constant stress levels, I hate the beyond high expectations and the ever increasing work load. I know what job I want to do but there just hasn't yet been any opportunities open for me. I don't want to stay but I don't know where to go or what to do. I just don't know.

I just don't know how to lose this weight. I mean I know how in my head, but practically I just don't know.  I keep trying but it only takes one occasion of "badness" that unravels all my hard work. I keep thinking I need to try to find something to motivate me but I just don't know. I consider the option of thin photos of my....but isn't that just reinforcing the fact that I hate how my body looks right now. I can't really say that is motivation. I've thought about rewarding myself with money which will go towards this course that I want to do,but that says that if I don't lose the weight then I'm just not worth the money to pay for the course. I just don't know. I just don't know. My weight is such a major area of negativity, sadness and depression for me and yet I don't know what to do.

I just don't know what to eat for lunch this week at work. I know - a small issue by anyone's means but when you combine this with the weight issues above it seems a lot bigger. Too cold for salads, my soup didn't turn out like soup. I just don't know.

I just don't know what I am supposed to do with my life.  I don't know what my purpose is. Having a family was always a part of my plan but now I just don't know. It doesn't seem to be happening and if I'm honest, I don't see how it is going to happen.  If I have no children, no husband, then what's the point of my life.  Doing the job that I am doing means that I am hardly changing lives, no where near making a difference in this world. What am I supposed to do?  I just don't know.

There are many more "I just don't knows" going through my head. I feel like I am torn between where I am and where I feel I should be, between how I feel and how I should feel.
I just don't know. I just don't know.