Live Brave: Life Lessons

My laptop has been giving me trouble for a few weeks now which has meant that I have spent a lot less time checking my emails, catching up on Facebook and checking out my favourite blogs. While less Internet time has meant more time for thinking and journaling ( and many other lovely things ), I found my heart feeling a little heavy about two dreams of mine that have yet come into being.

Now I fully believe that God is in control of my life and that He wouldn't have given me my hearts desires if He didn't plan to fulfil them.....but life can be hard and I find my human nature easily forgets what my spirit knows. It's been seven years and I find myself still waiting, no closer today than what I was this time seven years ago. And yet I keep holding on. I keep waking up each morning hoping, trusting that today is the day.

A few days ago I was catching up on some emails and I came across an email that Holley Gerth had sent out. It was as if we were sitting in a Cafe, sipping on coffee and she was speaking directly to me. I knew immediately that I wanted to capture this on my blog, that I wanted to have it somewhere that I could come back to when I temporarily lose hope; I wanted it to be out there if anyone else should need to hear the same precious message.

Holley Gerth has a blog called Heart to Heart so make sure you stop on by. The below piece of encouragement comes from her ebook called If we could have Coffee which you can find here.

Dear You,

You glance at the clock on the wall, the watch on your wrist, the time ticking away in your heart. It’s so hard to wait. You might begin to wonder if perhaps you’ve done something wrong, if what you thought you heard from God isn’t real, if maybe the promise or desire of your heart will go unfilled.

But while you’re waiting, God is working. Even before you spoke your first prayer, he had already begun. While you are going through each day and sleeping through the night, he is turning his purposes into reality.

It’s hard to not see what God is doing or know when the time will come. Yet that’s what faith means—to believe without sight. To wait, trust, and keep watching. You’ve been doing that on this journey, and God notices. He understands that it’s difficult sometimes. He doesn’t condemn you for wanting it now. Instead he offers all you need to press on to then.

A delay doesn’t mean you’ve taken a detour. It doesn’t mean a closed door. It simply can mean that our ways are not like God’s. The eternal One isn’t limited by time in the way we are here. He has heard you. He still hears you. And he is listening with love.

You have not been overlooked, forgotten, or set aside for something more important. No, my friend, every detail of your circumstance is in his care. You’re never out of his thoughts, never out of his plans. Not for one day. Not for one moment. Not even for a second.

Even as you read this now, he’s working on your behalf. And nothing, not even the hands of time, can hold you back from all he has for your future.

XOXO

Holley Gerth

(Inspired by Ps. 31:14–16; Eccles. 3:1; 2 Pet. 3:9 and adapted from If We Could Have Coffee…)

photo and quote design by Sara Torbett, The Rosy Life

Last week I spoke about the new adventure that I am starting soon. And as the days are counting down, my current manager has suggested that I read this little book called "Who moved my cheese". While he was talking, all I could think was what a weird name that is for a book, but after settling in for the evening, I jumped onto Amazon and Ebay and bought myself a copy of this little book.

The book only has 94 pages and took me just a couple of hours to read through. It was an easy read, but it really does leave you with a lot to think about. I don't want to give too much away, but it essentially speaks about ways in which people approach change. Its funny as while I can relate to one character more than the others, there have been times in my life when I have been each one of them.

These are the important points I've picked up from my read:

Change happens | They keep moving the cheese

Anticipate change | Get ready for the cheese to move

Monitor change | Smell the cheese often so you know when it is starting to get old

Adapt to change quickly | The quicker you let go of the old cheese, the sooner you can enjoy the new cheese

Change | Move with the cheese

Enjoy change! | Savior the adventure and enjoy the taste of new cheese!

Be ready to change quickly and enjoy it again and again | They keep moving the cheese

The thing that I really enjoyed about this book is that the concept is applicable for both your professional and personal life. Some of the points really got me thinking:

When feeling discouraged, its important to remind yourself that while what you are doing may be uncomfortable at the moment, that discomfort is much better than the current reality.
Take control instead of letting things happen.
Change happens to all of us
What would you do if you weren't afraid?
Change is happening everywhere and I would do better to adapt to it quickly
Learn to laugh at yourself!
Along the journey to your new cheese, imagine yourself enjoying it in vivid details so it becomes real to you.
Sometimes we need to get rid of the bad behaviors rather than what we think is the bad cheese.

Have you read the book? What are you thoughts on it?

Gratitude is all about thankfulness, counting your blessings, noticing the simple things in life that bring you so much joy and taking the time to acknowledge all those things in your life that you take for granted. It means living your life as if even the smallest of things are huge. It means being continually aware of how much you have been given in this life.

During the past six months God has really been speaking to me about having a grateful heart, about living a grateful life. I'll be honest, I am not always quick to respond to God's requests but after a month of having the same message show up several times I finally took action and started to find things in my life to be grateful for every single day.

I bought myself a pocket size journal and began to document those things during that day which I could be grateful for. At first I found that I was having to grasp at things like "I'm grateful for a house to live in" or "Thank you that I have food to eat" and I soon realised that being grateful is actually a skill. It's something that I was really having to learn, to put effort into. It was so much easier to focus on all things that I didn't have or situations that hadn't gone the way that I had hoped for that day, but I knew I didn't want to be the type of person who lived a small and ungrateful life.

While I continued on my journey of gratitude, after a few weeks I found that something strange had started to happen inside of me. I started to see things in my life that I needed to be thankful for, even though situations hadn't changed. The entries in my journal started to look more like " Thank you Lord that I have a job that pays my bills and keeps me close to home, even if the people at work are difficult to work with and I feel constantly overwhelmed."

During this process I have realised that this has become a way of life for me. I look forward to climbing into bed each night, ready to thank God for the day that I had. I've also found that by living a grateful life it has shifted my focus from what my life lacks to the abundance that I already have in my life at this very moment. I feel happier even though nothing major has changed. Being a psychology student, I am interested in how simple decisions can change a persons quality of life and so I have read a few articles on this subject and found that as well as my experience of feeling happier in myself, research has also found that continuously being grateful improves health, reduces stress and can even strengthen relationships.

So I want to challenge everyone reading this - consider keeping a gratitude journal. It can be for as long or as short a period of time that you choose and you can do it in whatever way is easiest and most convenient for you. Perhaps on your phone or on Facebook - whatever works best.

What I know, above all else, is that I want to challenge myself to live a grateful life!

Source

I have now been single for just over three and a half years. I have a new job that i find challenging and stressful yet, for the most part, enjoyable. I have made more steps forward than i can count including getting my credit status improved and having things around me which leave me feeling comfortable like a safety net savings account. I have a little car who is my very first car and i live in a beautiful one bedroom flat on the outskirts of both town and the countryside.

And while i have all of this there are still times where i find myself lonely, down, depressed and questioning. I know that the one area in which i lack is relationships, don't get me wrong i have friends and family who care about me - but i don't have that special man in my life and i don't have those "girlfriends" that i always wanted. Most of my true friends (those who really know me and get me) are in different countries and so this is how i find myself where i am today.

Normally i am very good with being by myself. Spending time with myself and doing things alone are not much of a problem for me. I know who i am and what i need to work on and while i am trying to find a way to work on those things, i am finding myself down in the dumps today.

And then i remembered two things. The first is that over the past few weeks i seem to be coming across the same lesson over and over. That lesson is that its not simply enough to read or listen to what you need to do to bring about changes you actually have to put together an action plan and then DO IT! Ideas without action are just that.....ideas. The second thing that i remembered was this post that i read a few days ago about fighting the blues while wondering if this is it. I cant remember where i saw it so apologies for not being able to give the appropriate credit but this is what i remember from that post and these are the actions that i plan to take to get me to where i need to be....

* Compartmentalize the suck

List the activities in your life that you do on a daily basis - cooking, cleaning, commuting, studying. I am sure it would be fair to say that some of these activities would carry more sucky weight than others. Take some time and have a good think about those aspects of your daily life that are bringing you down; experiment a little bit with compartmentalizing the suck. For example, how would i feel if i left everything the same but didn't watch TV? How would i feel if i left everything that but walked to walk?

Once you have pinpointed those areas which suck the most, work to lesson or remove them from your life. If its the drive to work that gets you down, bike it or get an awesome podcast to listen to. If you hate ironing, look at getting someone else to do it. The opportunities are endless - just think outside the box.

* Get rid of the TV

This is huge for me and one that i am seriously contemplating. TV shows promote unrealistic lifestyles and body types. Time seems to slip into a black hole when you turn that thing on.

Instead of spending hours in front of the TV, consider spending time with friends, going for a run or trying a new exercise class, try a new restaurant, volunteer somewhere or try a complicated recipe. If you need something a little more relaxed take a bubble bath, read a book, have a quiet time, listen to the radio or a podcast, Skype with friends in different countries.

The idea here is not necessarily to give up all TV time, but consider watching only those programmes that you really enjoy, or watching only an hour of TV a day during the week and the same or two hours per day over the weekend.

* Craft some fantastic new goals

Your life is only what it is if you decide it is!

Think about the things in life that really excite you. Travel, fashion, study - whatever it is, set yourself some goals involving those things that excite you. Remember that where you currently are, is only one phase of your live, tomorrow or in a weeks time or even in five years time, you may find yourself in a completely different phase in your life. If you don't like this phase, work hard to move onto the next one!

* Do new things

If you find that you truly are not in a position to navigate yourself out of your current phase of life, then consider instead doing mini-new things!

How about a new recipe, a new vegetable or type of meat, a new body wash, a different park or drink at Starbucks. When we start making mini changes we begin to realise that the world does not actually come crashing to a halt. With each mini-new thing you try, you begin to build your confidence to try bigger and better new things.

And so, after reading all of this i couldn't walk away without putting together an action plan for at least the week ahead.

* Watch no more than 1 hour of TV an evening

* Have a pamper evening

source

I wanted to share something with you that i have been battling with, particularly over the past few weeks.

Over the lastt six years my confidence and self-worth really took a knock. I can give you a whole list of reasons why this happened and while i didn't realise it was happening at the time, if i look back over the different experiences during that time it should have been clear as day. Rebuilding ones worth, confidence and value takes time and is soooo much more difficult than you would think. Its been three years since i found enough courage to get myself out of the situation that i was in and while i can honestly say that i have taken huge steps forward in a lot of area's, there are still some which i have not yet been able to overcome or improve.

This month i have been working as a manager within my department. It's something that i have wanted for a long time now and while i thought i was completely ready for this role, these past 5 weeks have really been difficult.

It's as if i have been on a constant roller coaster. Some moments have been great and i have felts so proud of myself, and others have been soooo difficult and have left me feeling totally unworthy. Its strange how the things that you really believe come out when your outside of your comfort zone. My thought patterns where no different.

When things were difficult, i would chide myself because of course i couldn't do this job - what else did i expect?. When i didn't handle situation the way i thought i should have my head was bombarded with thoughts which told me i was not capable of doing this. When i had daily meetings with senior management having to go over the teams performance the day before, thoughts of unworthiness flooded my mind.

This month has felt like a constant battle against those types of thoughts. Feeling as if i continually have to prove my worth as a manager has been exhausting. Its made my need for binging worse, its highlighted my core beliefs about my worth and my value and its taught me a great deal about myself. Change is good and a challenge stretches you as a person. While i know that the last five weeks have by no means been entirely negative or difficult, it has allowed my eyes to be opened to what i really believe about myself. And i know that this is something that i desperately need to work on.

The month of July will see me working on this a lot more. My action plan for this is not yet completely set in stone but i know it will start with a little reminder to myself.

These past few weeks have been very difficult for me. I think that everything that has happened over the past few years and especially over the past few months have all been leading me to this point.

Last month i started reading this book called Made to Crave by Lisa Terkerst and it's how we use food to substitute our cravings. The essence of the book is that we were created to crave God, to crave that close relationship with our heavenly Father. Unfortunately, a lot of times we turn to food to fill those cravings which in turn leads us to the problems that we currently face with food.

I am still reading this book, but what i have read so far started me thinking about my own relationship with food. Over the years i have known, if only deep down, that the relationship that i have with food is not a healthy one. It might have started during my childhood but what i know for sure, is that it has gotten worse over the past 6 years.

So I started to do some research. I spent time surfing the Internet, looking at books on Amazon and watching videos on Youtube. Then two weeks ago on Saturday, i found myself in town for my tutorial. After it had finished, i walked over to the Christian bookshop and spent an hour or so looking through their books. I was pleased to walk out of there with two books, the first one was "What you need to know about an eating disorder" and the second is the book above, "Hope, Help and Healing for eating disorders". The first book is just a little, small book but it was while reading it that i realised that i do indeed have an eating disorder.....Compulsive Overeating or Binging as its also known. This second book is good and heavy going but as i get deeper into it i am realising more and more that i need help with this if i am ever going to recover from it.

I have done some digging and found a Christian counsellor in my area who deals with eating disorders and i plan to give her a call over the next few days.

Asking for help does not come easy to me, its part of what has helped to create this eating disorder. But I feel as if i am starting on a journey, one that i know will be difficult but one that i know i have to take. I hope to share my journey to recovery with you so going forward their will be regular posts around the disorders and around how i am getting on, what steps i am taking and what i am learning.

My life has been feeling very unbalanced as of late, and unfortunately it's been showing. Showing in my food choices, in my sleeping habits, in my thought life and in my emotions. These changes mean that i haven't been as nice to myself as i should have been which has led me to fall into some old bad habits.

So, i decided that i need to fight back against the unbalance. Take a look at my schedule and see what i can eliminate so that other things which haven't been in there that should be, can be.....here's hoping that makes sense, lol! I realised that i needed to address my emotional and thought life going on's now, before it spirals out of control and i regress further than before.

I had to remind myself that i needed to remember to LOVE myself. Loving yourself can take many forms, so here are some ways in which i am hoping to love myself this hectic last week of the month and beyond.

(image credit)

Accept yourself now

Yes, you. The person reading this - and me of course. You need to accept yourself right now. You need to tell yourself that you accept yourself and love the person you are in this moment. Now. Not tomorrow. Not when you’re 20 pounds lighter. Right now. In your pj's, without your make up and with your bed-head. Accept everything. Say it out loud. Tell your hands and feet you accept them. Tell your stomach and thighs you accept them. Tell your mind you accept it, your voice, your eyes, your back, your bottom. If you wait until you’ve lost or gained some weight to love yourself, or if you only feel beautiful with make up on, if you set yourself conditions, you will never be able to fully love yourself. Love yourself unconditionally. Accept any changes that occur within your body. If you feel that you need to lose or gain weight, do it healthily, but love yourself every step of the way.

Wear things that make you feel good

No matter what size you are, how tall you are, how large or small chested you are, how round or flat your bottom is… you should wear clothes that make you feel beautiful. If sundresses make you feel good, then fill your wardrobe with them. If bright colours make you happy, wear them. If polka dots make you want to dance, make them your signature pattern. Wear clothes that fit well. Throw out any clothes that don’t fit. Don’t keep them in your wardrobe to wear when you’re two sizes smaller. They will only depress you. If you do lose weight, buy new clothes. Don’t hold on to old ones. Make everything in your wardrobe something you want to wear now.

Do something new with your body

You are alive! And your body is the perfect instrument. There are so many things it can do, if you’ll let it. Do something new with it. Take up dance, start combat classes, go running, paint a picture, learn a new sport, learn how to play an instrument, sing, recite a poem, learn a new language. The possibilities are endless.

Stop weighing yourself

A difficult concept for me but i get it. Why do you want to do something that makes you feel bad on a regular basis? Unless you need to weigh yourself for health reasons, stop weighing yourself today. Stop making numbers your priority. Start gauging your attractiveness in a different way.

Write a list of things you love about yourself

On a piece of paper, with your favourite pen, write a list of what makes you you. Do you love the shape of your legs? Are you a good listener? Do you have a nice voice? Write them down. Keep the list in your purse. Look at it any time you get a negative thought. I promise it will instantly make you feel better. I am hoping to make a start on my list tonight - so that i can carry it with me during the weeks ahead.

Choose a feel-good song

Choose a song that makes you want to get up and shake your booty. Put it on your mp3 player. Listen to it while you exercise. Listen to it while you get dressed for work. Hum it to yourself when you feel a bit down in the dumps. And dance to it when nobody’s watching. No fancy choreography, either. We all do this dance when we’re alone. We all feel joyous doing it. Let yourself dance like that regularly.

Surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally

There are people in your life who will love you no matter what happens. Whatever you do they will continue to love and support you. Make these people central to your life.

And as for those people who make you feel bad…

Those people who give backhanded compliments, who spread nasty rumours and who are always negative – confront them about it. Tell them the way they make you feel. If they are worth hanging on to they will take heed of your comments and will make the effort to be more positive. If they don’t, then dump them. You do not need those people in your life. This has been a big part of my stress these past few weeks and i know that i need to take head of this.

Accept compliments

Don’t be boastful, but accept the compliments people give you. Accept them politely, with a smile and a ‘thank you’.

Give compliments

Sincere comments can make the world of difference to someone who is having a low or difficult day. They can lift them up. Why not try to give everybody you meet just one compliment. Tell your colleague her dress suits her; tell the waitress you like her make up; tell your friend she has a great smile. Do it! I promise you will begin to feel better about life if you always try to find at least one thing to compliment in every person you meet.

Eat well

Loving yourself means respecting your body and treating it well. This means putting good things into it. Eat fresh fruits and vegetables. Drink lots of water. If you eat meat, try to avoid the processed stuff. Try new dishes and flavours. Eat more fibre and less fat. Make yourself salads using the freshest ingredients. Also, allow yourself the occasional chocolate or glass of wine. Even pizza and french fries. Everything in moderation. Treat your body well and it’ll treat you well. And as loving yourself means being honest with yourself, this is one area that I really need to work on.

Get help

If you are feeling down a lot of the time, if your stress levels are causing problems, if you have too much on your plate, know that you deserve to be well. Respect yourself enough to seek professional help if you need it. Team up with those people around you who can help you, support you and be there for you during those times that you need them. If it's a shoulder to cry on, an email to make them smile or giving them the evening off by cooking dinner and washing dishes so that they don't have to - do it!

Do you know of any other ways to kick start the self-love process? I’d love to hear them!

i wonder if i am wasting my life.....time to time i find myself asking the same questions. What am i doing with my life? Am I living to my full potential? Am I coasting and taking the easy route? I have this need to make a difference, to do something worthwhile and amazing with this gift, but here i sit, feeling as if i am simply living a very ordinary life. I should be doing something different, i should be doing something extra-ordinary.

i am scared of being found out......i have another need, a need to be the best. This constant pressure of being the best, doing the best, striving for perfection leavings me wondering just how long its going to be before i am found out as a fraud. As if I really am this great, perfect, high achieving person. The need to please, to be the best, to be thought highly of is exhausting.

i am angry.....angry at the world, angry at my life and angry at myself. All those dreams that didn't materialize, all those decisions that lead me to where i am today. Some days i just want to turn the clocks back and get a chance to redo all those years. All those years i allowed myself to have my worth striped away word by word, all those decisions that i made with someone else in mind.

i can not breath for fear of being sick......of having something really, truly wrong with me that can not be fixed. Having something going on inside of me that i don't even know about - until its too late. The lack of control over that scares me beyond words.

i wish that i was THAT person......the person who people noticed, the person who guys came up to. The confident, sexy woman who was sure of herself and her desires. Who didn't feel like she had these internal ideas and morale's that, no matter what, had to be lived by. Who had gorgeous, interesting, real men kissing her in the rain. Who let her heart lead a little more often while taking a few more risks with it.

i wonder where my people are....surely i should have more people. My people - where are you?

i wonder when its going to be my turn to build a house of candles.....you know, that gesture that means the world to you and the person you love, the person who shares your life with you. I don't have that person and i want them. I mean I REALLY want them. I'm here and i am waiting for my turn!

"Being happy is the cornerstone of all that you are! Nothing is more important than that you feel good! And you have absolute and utter control about that because you can choose the thought that makes you worry or the thought that makes you happy; the things that thrill you, or the things that worry you. You have the choice in every moment."- Abraham Hicks

Read it again and again and again, until it resonates in your soul. We all want to be happy, live a happy life but sometimes its just not as simple as that. I have been battling with this for a while, happiness. At what point do you get to take hold of that happiness? Do you have a right to be happy at someone else's expense? Is it OK for someone to hurt because you want to be happy?

These are some of the questions that have been running through my soul. Eighteen months ago i decided that i was going to leave my fiance of 7 years. There were many reasons, at least that is what i told myself, but the more i have been thinking about it the more i realise that most of those reasons boil down to one......... i wasn't happy and i wanted to be.

But you see, here i sit, with all this time that has passed and i ask myself if me being happy was worth hurting the man that i love? The thing is, is that we have still managed to stay friends, best friends. I don't know how it works and i know that people have varying opinions on that, but this aside he means the world to me. The past few weeks i have realised just how much i hurt him by leaving. He is lonely and doubts himself and thinks that he is not good enough. I never wanted that for him, i never meant to hurt him.

But there is always that other side of the coin...... other than these feelings that i have at the moment. I can genuinely and honestly say that i am happy. I am so much happier than what i was just eighteen months ago. Happier with my life, with myself and with my future. I wake up each morning with hope.....and lately guilt.

If happiness is a choice that we make minute after minute, how do we live with those same minutes which brings me happiness while bringing the man that i love pain?

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