These past few weeks have been very difficult for me.  I think that everything that has happened over the past few years and especially over the past few months have all been leading me to this point.

Last month i started reading this book called Made to Crave by Lisa Terkerst and it's how we use food to substitute our cravings. The essence of the book is that we were created to crave God, to crave that close relationship with our heavenly Father.  Unfortunately, a lot of times we turn to food to fill those cravings which in turn leads us to the problems that we currently face with food.

I am still reading this book, but what i have read so far started me thinking about my own relationship with food. Over the years i have known, if only deep down, that the relationship that i have with food is not a healthy one. It might have started during my childhood but what i know for sure, is that it has gotten worse over the past 6 years.  

So I started to do some research. I spent time surfing the Internet, looking at books on Amazon and watching videos on Youtube.  Then two weeks ago on Saturday, i found myself in town for my tutorial. After it had finished, i walked over to the Christian bookshop and spent an hour or so looking through their books. I was pleased to walk out of there with two books, the first one was "What you need to know about an eating disorder" and the second is the book above, "Hope, Help and Healing for eating disorders". The first book is just a little, small book but it was while reading it that i realised that i do indeed have an eating disorder.....Compulsive Overeating or Binging as its also known.  This second book is good and heavy going but as i get deeper into it i am realising more and more that i need help with this if i am ever going to recover from it.  

I have done some digging and found a Christian counsellor in my area who deals with eating disorders and i plan to give her a call over the next few days.   

Asking for help does not come easy to me, its part of what has helped to create this eating disorder. But I feel as if i am starting on a journey, one that i know will be difficult but one that i know i have to take.  I hope to share my journey to recovery with you so going forward their will be regular posts around the disorders and around how i am getting on, what steps i am taking and what i am learning.