Live Brave: I am

One of the nice things about living abroad, about having your extended family in a different country, is that when someone goes back home for a visit, they ALWAYS come back with a suitcase full of gifts. It's like Christmas, no matter what time of year it.

My dad went back home around the middle of May to see my gran. She is eight eight or somewhere around there and is such an amazing person - I love her to bits. Anyways, when my dad came back I knew that he would be bringing me one thing back, a hand painted African canvas, as I had begged and pleaded with him to do so. When we went out there in 2010, i bought one and wanted an additional on to go on my wall next to it. This is what my dad came home with.

They really are very clever. The paintings are one of a kind and are all hand painted on canvas. They are then hang using clothes pegs along rope lines for tourists to see and buy. Once you buy one, you simply roll it up and it fits so nicely into your suitcase. Genius! I have been planning to actually paint a few of my own to add to my collection but I haven't yet got around to it.

Another amazing thing about South Africans is all the products that they create. How the recycle items to make other products. Products to sell and make money.....Like this handmade facecloth my aunt sent over with my dad for me. It even has that it was made by Anna, thanks Anna for doing such a lovely job with it.

And then you have this lovely creation. Take a few minutes and really look it. Isn't it unbelievable? It is an African woman, holding a traditional broom with her baby secured around her like it is still done today. When I was growing up, I always used to wonder how it managed to hold that baby in place....because let me tell you, they still carry toddlers around like that when they are too tired to walk. Anyways, I digress.....guess what she is made out of. No really, guess. Miele leaves...you know the leaves that you find around ears of corn in the fields....yup, really! They are dried and treated and then created into this. Completely awesome!

And I even got more incredible gifts. This gorgeous necklace was from my aunt, my mom got one as well. And the pottery dog below was made by my gran. Isn't he gorgeous? Below that you have some handmade beaded Christmas tree decorations. Such simple ideas, but so effective and unique.

Finally, some coasters full of cats from my aunt. Both my aunt and I are big cat lovers and so she always sends me something cat related.

Getting all these gifts made me feel so blessed to have such loving family, but it also made me a little home sick. Sometimes I just want to be close enough touch them, to take my gran out for tea and go shopping with my aunt. I am very proudly South African and I think I will always be - no matter how much time I spend living in another country, my blood will always have Africa in it.

1. My relationship with my mom | My mom and I have such a great relationship. She is one of my best friends. I know that I can go to her when I need advice or support and I know that she will always be honest with me – even when it may not really be what I want to hear. I am so very grateful that she is in my life and that we have the connection that we do.

2. Personal growth | Looking back over the past 4 years I have been through some amazing personal growth. I am happier and emotionally healthier. I have recently begun taking some time to work on my confidence as well as setting up guardrails in my life. Slowly but surely, as each day goes by, I am starting to see more and more changes within myself. I am so grateful that I have been brave enough to open myself up to these changes and I am excited to see where this leads.

3. Crafting time | For a little while I stopped doing anything craft related. I felt like it was constantly reminding me of the relationship I no longer had, the children I desperately wanted but didn’t have and instead of my hobby encouraging me, I was finding it was adding to my negative feelings. So I took a break for a while. Towards the end of last year I decided it was time to take my supplies out of the cupboard and to begin to use art to express myself and to grow. I wanted to commit to something so that I could remain accountable on this journey and so I signed up to two different, 12 month projects. The time that I set aside for myself do create my pages or journal my thoughts has become really special to me and it is one of the things that I look forward to each and every week.

4. Persevering with my finances | I am so proud of myself. I can honestly say that I know how much money I have, where it goes to and what debt I owe. My finances showed a very different picture a few years ago, but I have worked hard, implemented some accountability and maintained discipline in the area of spending which has all played a part in getting me to where I am right now. I even have a little savings account set up with a decent amount of money in it. I have just booked and paid for two holidays, debt free, and I just wanted to share how grateful I am that things have worked out and that I have managed to get myself out of a bad situation and into a good one.

5. Holidays | And speaking of holidays, I am so grateful that I have two holidays booked for the first 6 months of this year. The last time I went on holiday was 2 years ago. I have had no weekends away and no downtime. I have been focusing so much on getting my finances sorted that those sorts of things needed to take a back seat. But now that they are in a better place and now that I am a little braver on my own, I am going on holiday. The first one is off to Iceland with my family for a long weekend and the second one is a week long holiday, on my own, at the seaside. Right now, in this moment, I am so very proud of myself.

My favourite thing on a Saturday morning is to wake up, make a cup of tea and curl up in my pj's in front of the tele watching morning cartoons. My absolute favourite thing to do.

This morning i had to get up early and head off to work, so there was no time for morning cartoons. Working six days this week has been no fun at all and to add to that its been a tough week at work. So, after i had finished work and stopped by the shops to pick up a few things, i made my way home to a much needed cup of tea and some down time before starting the house chores and my uni assignment.

I turned on the TV and saw that Disney's Cars had only just started. PERFECT! I made the best decision possible ( OK, the only decision possible when choosing between doing the dishes and watching Disney ) and settled in to enjoy a few hours of fun.

Towards the end of the movie it occurred to me just how much i enjoy Disney movies in general. If i think back to the Little Mermaid and The Lion King and so many others, these movies make you feel good. The good guys always come out on top, they always have something morale to share and most importantly they always make you laugh.....and i mean belly laughs!

It's so easy in today's world to forget about taking the time to laugh, to do something you enjoy. I work in a corporate world where its common practice to look after yourself, to realise that you are the only one who looks out for you and that the people friends who you meet within this world may not actually turn out to be true friends when the time comes for them to show their real colours.

I guess i just wanted to say Thank you Disney for making these movies. For remembering those things that are important to people and for doing such a great job with them. Those feelings of happiness and goodness last a long time and somehow seem to push out any horrible, stressful feelings that may be lurking.

I have always loved Disney movies, but today i remembered that i loved them so much more than i thought i did.

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I wanted to share something with you that i have been battling with, particularly over the past few weeks.

Over the lastt six years my confidence and self-worth really took a knock. I can give you a whole list of reasons why this happened and while i didn't realise it was happening at the time, if i look back over the different experiences during that time it should have been clear as day. Rebuilding ones worth, confidence and value takes time and is soooo much more difficult than you would think. Its been three years since i found enough courage to get myself out of the situation that i was in and while i can honestly say that i have taken huge steps forward in a lot of area's, there are still some which i have not yet been able to overcome or improve.

This month i have been working as a manager within my department. It's something that i have wanted for a long time now and while i thought i was completely ready for this role, these past 5 weeks have really been difficult.

It's as if i have been on a constant roller coaster. Some moments have been great and i have felts so proud of myself, and others have been soooo difficult and have left me feeling totally unworthy. Its strange how the things that you really believe come out when your outside of your comfort zone. My thought patterns where no different.

When things were difficult, i would chide myself because of course i couldn't do this job - what else did i expect?. When i didn't handle situation the way i thought i should have my head was bombarded with thoughts which told me i was not capable of doing this. When i had daily meetings with senior management having to go over the teams performance the day before, thoughts of unworthiness flooded my mind.

This month has felt like a constant battle against those types of thoughts. Feeling as if i continually have to prove my worth as a manager has been exhausting. Its made my need for binging worse, its highlighted my core beliefs about my worth and my value and its taught me a great deal about myself. Change is good and a challenge stretches you as a person. While i know that the last five weeks have by no means been entirely negative or difficult, it has allowed my eyes to be opened to what i really believe about myself. And i know that this is something that i desperately need to work on.

The month of July will see me working on this a lot more. My action plan for this is not yet completely set in stone but i know it will start with a little reminder to myself.

My life has been feeling very unbalanced as of late, and unfortunately it's been showing. Showing in my food choices, in my sleeping habits, in my thought life and in my emotions. These changes mean that i haven't been as nice to myself as i should have been which has led me to fall into some old bad habits.

So, i decided that i need to fight back against the unbalance. Take a look at my schedule and see what i can eliminate so that other things which haven't been in there that should be, can be.....here's hoping that makes sense, lol! I realised that i needed to address my emotional and thought life going on's now, before it spirals out of control and i regress further than before.

I had to remind myself that i needed to remember to LOVE myself. Loving yourself can take many forms, so here are some ways in which i am hoping to love myself this hectic last week of the month and beyond.

(image credit)

Accept yourself now

Yes, you. The person reading this - and me of course. You need to accept yourself right now. You need to tell yourself that you accept yourself and love the person you are in this moment. Now. Not tomorrow. Not when you’re 20 pounds lighter. Right now. In your pj's, without your make up and with your bed-head. Accept everything. Say it out loud. Tell your hands and feet you accept them. Tell your stomach and thighs you accept them. Tell your mind you accept it, your voice, your eyes, your back, your bottom. If you wait until you’ve lost or gained some weight to love yourself, or if you only feel beautiful with make up on, if you set yourself conditions, you will never be able to fully love yourself. Love yourself unconditionally. Accept any changes that occur within your body. If you feel that you need to lose or gain weight, do it healthily, but love yourself every step of the way.

Wear things that make you feel good

No matter what size you are, how tall you are, how large or small chested you are, how round or flat your bottom is… you should wear clothes that make you feel beautiful. If sundresses make you feel good, then fill your wardrobe with them. If bright colours make you happy, wear them. If polka dots make you want to dance, make them your signature pattern. Wear clothes that fit well. Throw out any clothes that don’t fit. Don’t keep them in your wardrobe to wear when you’re two sizes smaller. They will only depress you. If you do lose weight, buy new clothes. Don’t hold on to old ones. Make everything in your wardrobe something you want to wear now.

Do something new with your body

You are alive! And your body is the perfect instrument. There are so many things it can do, if you’ll let it. Do something new with it. Take up dance, start combat classes, go running, paint a picture, learn a new sport, learn how to play an instrument, sing, recite a poem, learn a new language. The possibilities are endless.

Stop weighing yourself

A difficult concept for me but i get it. Why do you want to do something that makes you feel bad on a regular basis? Unless you need to weigh yourself for health reasons, stop weighing yourself today. Stop making numbers your priority. Start gauging your attractiveness in a different way.

Write a list of things you love about yourself

On a piece of paper, with your favourite pen, write a list of what makes you you. Do you love the shape of your legs? Are you a good listener? Do you have a nice voice? Write them down. Keep the list in your purse. Look at it any time you get a negative thought. I promise it will instantly make you feel better. I am hoping to make a start on my list tonight - so that i can carry it with me during the weeks ahead.

Choose a feel-good song

Choose a song that makes you want to get up and shake your booty. Put it on your mp3 player. Listen to it while you exercise. Listen to it while you get dressed for work. Hum it to yourself when you feel a bit down in the dumps. And dance to it when nobody’s watching. No fancy choreography, either. We all do this dance when we’re alone. We all feel joyous doing it. Let yourself dance like that regularly.

Surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally

There are people in your life who will love you no matter what happens. Whatever you do they will continue to love and support you. Make these people central to your life.

And as for those people who make you feel bad…

Those people who give backhanded compliments, who spread nasty rumours and who are always negative – confront them about it. Tell them the way they make you feel. If they are worth hanging on to they will take heed of your comments and will make the effort to be more positive. If they don’t, then dump them. You do not need those people in your life. This has been a big part of my stress these past few weeks and i know that i need to take head of this.

Accept compliments

Don’t be boastful, but accept the compliments people give you. Accept them politely, with a smile and a ‘thank you’.

Give compliments

Sincere comments can make the world of difference to someone who is having a low or difficult day. They can lift them up. Why not try to give everybody you meet just one compliment. Tell your colleague her dress suits her; tell the waitress you like her make up; tell your friend she has a great smile. Do it! I promise you will begin to feel better about life if you always try to find at least one thing to compliment in every person you meet.

Eat well

Loving yourself means respecting your body and treating it well. This means putting good things into it. Eat fresh fruits and vegetables. Drink lots of water. If you eat meat, try to avoid the processed stuff. Try new dishes and flavours. Eat more fibre and less fat. Make yourself salads using the freshest ingredients. Also, allow yourself the occasional chocolate or glass of wine. Even pizza and french fries. Everything in moderation. Treat your body well and it’ll treat you well. And as loving yourself means being honest with yourself, this is one area that I really need to work on.

Get help

If you are feeling down a lot of the time, if your stress levels are causing problems, if you have too much on your plate, know that you deserve to be well. Respect yourself enough to seek professional help if you need it. Team up with those people around you who can help you, support you and be there for you during those times that you need them. If it's a shoulder to cry on, an email to make them smile or giving them the evening off by cooking dinner and washing dishes so that they don't have to - do it!

Do you know of any other ways to kick start the self-love process? I’d love to hear them!

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