Live Brave: God and I

I can't believe that this month has flown by so quickly. March has been a really productive month in many ways, however I haven't been able to achieve all of the intentions that I set for myself. While a lot of that was due to some of the other intentions that I had going on as well as work and travel, I want to be more intentional about achieving my intentions in April; meaning I am will need to come up with a bit of a plan.

For now though, lets look at how I did against my March intentions:

Intention to complete home projects – Have a look for inspiration and ideas for my garden. Decide on the desired end result.

My garden needed a lot of work. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do it all this month but I wanted to have a plan and to make a start. March has seen me mowing the lawn, getting rid of the weeds in the two front garden boxes and planting brand new flowers which are hopefully going to look beautiful in a few more weeks.

I also have a plan for the back garden. I want to get rid of the weeds in there, paint the fence, clean and re-stain the decking, put down grass and hang some fairy lights.

Intention to connect more to God – Do a daily devotional.

OK, so I have sort of done this one. Did I start a daily devotional - yes! Did I manage to do it daily - nope! I have been doing A Confident Heart and that days that I have done have really spoken to me.

Intention to get God’s word into my heart – memorize a new bible verse.

This verse has been a very powerful one this month. I love that I have been able to use it several times and that James 1:5 has brought me strength and peace.

Intention to improve my physical fitness – Sign up to a race.

Now this one didn't happen at all. I did however manage to get in 11 gym sessions....and I'm pretty proud of that number.

Intention to change my body and my health – Focus on clean eating throughout the month and take part in Lent.

The clean eating went really well this month. I even managed to lose 6 pounds - that's 3 and a half pounds more than February. My original plans for lent didn't end up being what I thought it would. Instead, it became a professional base gesture rather than a health based one.

Intention to create and learn – Complete my One Little Word project for March and my second TMA.

My One Little Word March prompt has been done and completed, and while at first I wasn't sure if I was going to like doing it, it slowly grew on me. I also managed to complete my second assignment for my Social Psychology course. It was a tough one for some reason but I did it!

Intention to comfort my soul – Create a personal mission statement following journal prompts.

I did not get around to doing this month, and if I am being really honest then I would be telling you that this prompt didn't even enter my mind. Not good.

Intention to live a life of gratitude - Complete my gratitude journal for March.

This project is turning out to be one of most favorite that I am doing this year. I love that it allows me to capture the day to day blessings in my life and that I will be able to look back at it on years to come.

All in all it has been a good month and while there are things that I have learnt in March that I want to implement in April, I am very pleased with the progress that I have made.

My laptop has been giving me trouble for a few weeks now which has meant that I have spent a lot less time checking my emails, catching up on Facebook and checking out my favourite blogs. While less Internet time has meant more time for thinking and journaling ( and many other lovely things ), I found my heart feeling a little heavy about two dreams of mine that have yet come into being.

Now I fully believe that God is in control of my life and that He wouldn't have given me my hearts desires if He didn't plan to fulfil them.....but life can be hard and I find my human nature easily forgets what my spirit knows. It's been seven years and I find myself still waiting, no closer today than what I was this time seven years ago. And yet I keep holding on. I keep waking up each morning hoping, trusting that today is the day.

A few days ago I was catching up on some emails and I came across an email that Holley Gerth had sent out. It was as if we were sitting in a Cafe, sipping on coffee and she was speaking directly to me. I knew immediately that I wanted to capture this on my blog, that I wanted to have it somewhere that I could come back to when I temporarily lose hope; I wanted it to be out there if anyone else should need to hear the same precious message.

Holley Gerth has a blog called Heart to Heart so make sure you stop on by. The below piece of encouragement comes from her ebook called If we could have Coffee which you can find here.

Dear You,

You glance at the clock on the wall, the watch on your wrist, the time ticking away in your heart. It’s so hard to wait. You might begin to wonder if perhaps you’ve done something wrong, if what you thought you heard from God isn’t real, if maybe the promise or desire of your heart will go unfilled.

But while you’re waiting, God is working. Even before you spoke your first prayer, he had already begun. While you are going through each day and sleeping through the night, he is turning his purposes into reality.

It’s hard to not see what God is doing or know when the time will come. Yet that’s what faith means—to believe without sight. To wait, trust, and keep watching. You’ve been doing that on this journey, and God notices. He understands that it’s difficult sometimes. He doesn’t condemn you for wanting it now. Instead he offers all you need to press on to then.

A delay doesn’t mean you’ve taken a detour. It doesn’t mean a closed door. It simply can mean that our ways are not like God’s. The eternal One isn’t limited by time in the way we are here. He has heard you. He still hears you. And he is listening with love.

You have not been overlooked, forgotten, or set aside for something more important. No, my friend, every detail of your circumstance is in his care. You’re never out of his thoughts, never out of his plans. Not for one day. Not for one moment. Not even for a second.

Even as you read this now, he’s working on your behalf. And nothing, not even the hands of time, can hold you back from all he has for your future.

XOXO

Holley Gerth

(Inspired by Ps. 31:14–16; Eccles. 3:1; 2 Pet. 3:9 and adapted from If We Could Have Coffee…)

photo and quote design by Sara Torbett, The Rosy Life

It was time to move on, to find something new. The situation at work was no longer good for me. I was finding my stress levels the highest they have ever been. I was having episodes where I was battling to breath and my chest felt like it was closing in around me. I did some research and I think I was suffering from panic attacks. I couldn't sleep and felt like I was going through the day in a fog. I found tears streaming down my cheeks at the slightest word while snapping at the smallest of annoyances. I wasn't me, I felt like I was drowning.

By the end of January I couldn't keep going, I was at the very end of my rope. So, I made the only decision that I felt I could - I needed a new job. It didn't matter what, I just needed something new. So I applied for three internal jobs and waited patiently for the closing dates to pass, waiting to hear if I had been successful. The first closing date passed, and I was invited to attend an interview.

This job sounded great but way out of my league. I didn't have all the necessary experience and its essentially a promotion compared to my current role. So when the interview came around, I wasn't nervous and I hadn't spent much time preparing. Being completely honest, I saw it more as an opportunity to practise my interview skills for one of the other jobs I was hoping to get an interview for. I came out of there thinking that it had gone alright, that I wouldn't get this job but the practise was good for me. I didn't feel too disappointed, if it was meant to be it would happen.

Four days later my phone rang. The job was all mine if I wanted it. Apparently my interview had gone exceptionally well and I had outshone eight other candidates. They picked me. I couldn't believe it. Not only was I successful for a new job, but with that new job came promotion, more freedom with my time and a pay rise. This new role opens the doors of opportunity so wide. I couldn't believe it.

So I thanked God. I thanked Him for his faithfulness, for answering my prayers, for directing my path and for giving me this opportunity.............and then I said yes please!

I have eight working days left in my current role followed by ten days of R & R and then my new adventure begins. This new adventure, as exciting as it may be, is also terrifying me.....and right now I am having to remind myself daily that I need to choose faith over fear.

Gratitude is all about thankfulness, counting your blessings, noticing the simple things in life that bring you so much joy and taking the time to acknowledge all those things in your life that you take for granted. It means living your life as if even the smallest of things are huge. It means being continually aware of how much you have been given in this life.

During the past six months God has really been speaking to me about having a grateful heart, about living a grateful life. I'll be honest, I am not always quick to respond to God's requests but after a month of having the same message show up several times I finally took action and started to find things in my life to be grateful for every single day.

I bought myself a pocket size journal and began to document those things during that day which I could be grateful for. At first I found that I was having to grasp at things like "I'm grateful for a house to live in" or "Thank you that I have food to eat" and I soon realised that being grateful is actually a skill. It's something that I was really having to learn, to put effort into. It was so much easier to focus on all things that I didn't have or situations that hadn't gone the way that I had hoped for that day, but I knew I didn't want to be the type of person who lived a small and ungrateful life.

While I continued on my journey of gratitude, after a few weeks I found that something strange had started to happen inside of me. I started to see things in my life that I needed to be thankful for, even though situations hadn't changed. The entries in my journal started to look more like " Thank you Lord that I have a job that pays my bills and keeps me close to home, even if the people at work are difficult to work with and I feel constantly overwhelmed."

During this process I have realised that this has become a way of life for me. I look forward to climbing into bed each night, ready to thank God for the day that I had. I've also found that by living a grateful life it has shifted my focus from what my life lacks to the abundance that I already have in my life at this very moment. I feel happier even though nothing major has changed. Being a psychology student, I am interested in how simple decisions can change a persons quality of life and so I have read a few articles on this subject and found that as well as my experience of feeling happier in myself, research has also found that continuously being grateful improves health, reduces stress and can even strengthen relationships.

So I want to challenge everyone reading this - consider keeping a gratitude journal. It can be for as long or as short a period of time that you choose and you can do it in whatever way is easiest and most convenient for you. Perhaps on your phone or on Facebook - whatever works best.

What I know, above all else, is that I want to challenge myself to live a grateful life!

Wow, I cant believe that another week has come and gone. Last week was my first linked up post for She Reads Truth. Last week I knew that I wanted to have an open mind and heart to what God was doing in my life, what He was showing me and what I was learning during the week ahead....and I was not disappointed! This week has been a very filled week, with lots of decisions being made and lots of things coming into play....that is why I have called this post God at work. This week I have seen the fruit of my heavenly Daddy being at work in my life, to fulfil his promise to me that all things work together for my good and that He has a plan for my life.

The outcomes that I have had this week have not happened over night. God has been at work, behind the scenes, for months now. Isn't it funny how you can only see God at work after the event? Sometimes I just wonder if I am not paying enough attention but I guess that is a post for another time.

Here are the life changing things that have happened or come to pass this week.

Four months ago, the company that I work for announced that by the end of the year, they would be making 300 jobs redundant. My job was one of those. Its been a tough few months, especially having to look after a team and manage performance when inside this is playing on your mind. A few weeks ago I decided that I needed to be proactive about this job situation and so I applied for three different jobs within other areas of the company. If I am honest, I only applied for them because I need to be able to pay my bills....and again, looking back I think that I made those decisions for the wrong reasons. Anyway, on Tuesday morning I found out that I had been successful in my application and invited to an interview. Two hours later, we were called into a meeting and told that our jobs are no longer at risk! (Thank you God)
During this time my manager asked me to move to another team and manage a new system that was coming out in September. I was hesitant and while I prayed about it and continued to feel uncomfortable about it, I still made the decision to say yes to their request. Perhaps in part because of the feared ramifications of saying no at a time when my job was on the line or perhaps I just didn't want to disappoint my managers. But I said yes when really I should have said No. The past few weeks I have been feeling more and more uneasy about this whole thing and finally, I found enough courage to speak to my manager and tell her I didn't want to do this. It went so much better than I expected and she completely supported my decision. (Thank you once again God)
I then had to speak to the manager who had invited me to the interview for the other job. Again, another difficult conversation. But I dug down deep and was completely honest with her. I thanked her for the opportunity and apologised for wasting her time. Again, she understood and didn't have any problems with it. (Thank you God)
I have also been trying to decide if I should study my last two courses next year so that I can get my degree. Both are level 3 courses and i need to get distinctions in them in order to have a chance at finding a placement upon completion. Along with the time constraints that was going to put on my life, I was worried about how I would afford it. So I have been going backwards and forwards with the choice to do one subject or two. This week God showed me through a conversation with two different people that I should study both. My mom made me realise that through my car payments and a loan payment coming to an end I would be in a position to pay for both courses each month and my friend made me realise that sometimes we need to fight for what we want. That at times you need to sacrifice in order to move forward. That the choices you make today don't affect your tomorrow....they affect you twelve to eighteen months down the line. So, I have gone ahead and registered for both courses. (Thank you God for good counsel in my life)

Thank you Lord for what you have done for me this week. Thank you that you are working in the background of my life to bring things to pass for me. Lord I thank you for not only what you are doing at the moment, but for what you are going to do. Lord please help me to make better decisions in the future, it appears that I haven't done a very good job at listening to you or making decision's. Thank you Lord for giving me the courage to say what I need to say.

This is the third bible study that I have done with the SheReadsTruth community and I am really enjoying them. The aim is to spend time in God's Word each day, to share what you are learning and to provide support and community to each other. So far, I haven't really been sharing much. I have been trying to get into the daily habit of spending time with God and I have been trying to keep my head above the water. I am sure that God is working on many areas of my life at the moment, but there is definitely one which I know He is molding and that I am trying my hardest to change: Letting go of my comfort.

A few years ago I found myself in a long term bad relationship. During that time, I made many decisions just trying to survive, decisions that I know where not based on prayer or wisdom or anything else that I so desperately needed at the time. Instead, I found myself trying to cope with the situation the only way I knew how.

No one every really teaches you how to deal with your emotions. How to process things correctly or how to move forward from those circumstances. It's a skill that you are required to use in order to be a healthy person, but its not something that is taught at school or at church (at least not in my church). So how did I cope with my fears, emotions and broken dreams? ....... I ate.

I ate my way through that entire period of my life and by the time i had managed to end things, begin to create my life over from the ground up and finally take some steps forward, eating to comfort myself had become my habit. My first choice in time of stress, discomfort or depression. My go to.

I have been battling with this for years now and I know that in order for me to take that next step towards healing and the life God has for me, I need to deal with my food and comfort issues. During these past bible studies God has been gently talking to me about seeking my comfort in Him rather than the chocolate bars. That by turning to food to fulfil my need for comfort, I am really telling God that I don't trust him - Ouch!

So here I am, taking it one day at a time, trying to pause when my instinct kicks in to reach for the sweet stuff and instead reach for God and the comfort He has promised me. Some days I feel like I am finally getting it, while other days (like today) I feel like I have taken ten steps back again.

Lord, please help me to lean on You. To trust in Your plan for me and the promises in your Word. Let me run to You instead of to the chocolate. Help me to learn how to process and deal with the emotions I have not yet dealt with, show me how to believe in the future that You have for me that doesn't seem to be anywhere in sight.

When I say: I'll never change. God says: I am transforming you.

{And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians. 3:18}

(A Confident, Chapter 12)

Last weekend my mom and I found this beautiful reservoir a short drive from her house. I fell in love with it the moment I saw it....you see, it reminded me of when I lived in the states. My best friend and I used to treat ourselves ever so often, we would grab an ice cream from Dairy Queen and make our way to the local beach. It wasn't the type of beach that you would swim in or ride the waves on, it was however a great place to sit, think and just talk. I have missed having that special place - a place to just get away and breath. Anyway, the moment I saw this place I knew that this would become my get away. It's a little way from my place, but it will be worth the drive - especially in summer.

These past few weeks I have had a lot on my mind. I took some time off work and headed off to a caravan by the ocean - my very first solo holiday. My main reason for this break was to do some soul searching.... I have been looking for some answers, some direction for what feels like years now and more importantly I just needed to do this.

Well, the weather was horrible, it rained every day. BUT, i came away feeling like I had some direction. I knew what I needed to do and the timescale to which I was going to push to get it completed... and I was very pleased. And then I came home and as much as I was consciously trying not to just get swept back into life, I think it happened anyway.

So here I sit. I know what the plan is. I know what I need to do and when I need to do it. But here's the catch....it means more waiting. I feel like i have spent the past four years waiting. Waiting for time to pass, for my heart to heal and for me to work through my baggage. Waiting to meet THE one.....or even just A one. Waiting to complete my degree. Waiting to pay off my loans. Waiting to buy a house and then to get a cat. Waiting to have my own beautiful children. Waiting for a new job. Waiting to finally lose the weight. Waiting to make good friends. Waiting, waiting and more waiting..... it's becoming a little exhausting. I'm tired of waiting - I desperately want some action. But I know I need to be careful not to push myself into any situations....because then I could end up in more trouble than I need.

So here I am, trying to find a way to live my life while waiting for all my hopes, dreams and desires to come true. Trying to take it one day at a time.....and sometimes even one minute at a time.

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