From as far back as I can remember I have always had a Love/Hate relationship with my body.  When my eating was under control and my weight was on the average side, then I had a love relationship with my body.  BUT, over the past several years, my eating has been way out of control and as the weight began to pile on my confidence and self esteem dwindled and a hatred for my body took its place.  I felt like my body had betrayed me, it no longer looked in good in clothes and when i went shopping, i walked away feeling ugly and fat.  My body was supposed to be sexy and help me grow a baby and yet it was the furtherest it could be from sexy and while my number one hearts desire was to have a baby, my body seemed to be unwilling.

My dislike for my body has grown and grown over the years and to be honest, my relationship with my body has been really bad.  But this year, my Word for 2012 is Wholeness and I have come to realise that wholeness includes making some changes to my relationship with my body.  Learning to love who I am includes finding a way to love my body. 



So, over the past few weeks I have been focusing on trying to figure out how to make changes to my relationship with my body.  Some days I feel like I am making progress and other days not so much, but I know that this is a process and that it is going to take some time.  

Here are some things that I have been working on and will continue to work on over the next few months and most likely years:

 Spend the money and buy some new clothes - As my body has gotten bigger and bigger, this has been a major thing for me.  I never want to spend money on bigger size clothing because in my mind I am either on a diet and will lose weight shortly or I am just about to start one.  The problem is that this has been going on for so long that I have very little to wear, and what i do have in my cupboard I only have because it fit or because its black.  Colour was not a part of my wardrobe and neither was the latest fashion. Jeans, tracksuit bottoms and baggy shirts were my only options.  I really think that my clothes helped to reinforce my bad relationship with my body.  

 

Self talk - It's no secret that what we think about ourselves and what we say to ourselves either lifts us up or tears us down.  What was a surprise to me, was the harshness of that talk.  I took some time to make a note of what i was thinking and saying to myself and then i tried to figure out what i could replace those negative thoughts with to try to change the associated feelings.  This is much more difficult than it sounds and it is definitely going to take a conscious and consistent effort to get this right.

Remember that you have a choice - Being insecure allows for me to constantly worry about what other people are thinking of me.  The thing that I have been trying to remember is that they only have power over my feelings if I allow them to.  Despite what they think, or what I think they think, I can still feel good about myself.

Use your body to start loving your body - For the past five weeks I have been exercising a minimum of three times a week.  At first its difficult and your body really fights back, but after a while it gets easier and your body begins to thank you for a better fitness level, an avenue for stress relief and for treating it well.  Our bodies where created to be physical, not to sit around all day every day.  By moving my body on a regular basis, I have started to be more grateful for what it can do for me.

Careful what you talk about - This one is similar to the self talk except it is specific to what you say to others about your body and it's size.  It is so easy to find yourself complaining about what your body isn't doing or can't do.  Remember that what you say out loud, reinforces what you say within.  Be kind to yourself and to your body.

Like I said, I am by no means where i need to be but I am making progress.  One day, my body and I will be best of friends.