It has taken me a little longer than I had hoped to bounce back following my Psychology exam. A little over four weeks have gone by and I am still finding myself feeling exhausted. I haven't made much progress on my to-do list and my house still feels pretty messy. I've made no move towards making a start with Christmas. I just don't feel like myself. I haven't for a while now.

I've spent a lot of the past four weeks thinking about how I am feeling and about how I want to finish off 2014 as I head into 2015. I have about seven and a half weeks left to get myself to the place where I want to be. Now I know that seven and a half weeks doesn't give me enough time to change the world, however it is enough time to do a few key things that will make a really big difference to my next year. Right now I am putting together that list and making some final decisions. Ill share them once I have got there.

Last night I went out with some friends for dinner. I love these ladies. They take me just as I am. I was talking to one of them about some of the things that I am going through and feeling at the moment and it was good to put a voice to the feelings. Sometimes it takes hearing your thoughts to be able to move forward with the next step.

During my drive home, I realised what I felt at that moment in time and what I needed. My hair is long and I love that I can do so many pretty styles with it, but it had also started to become a hassle. It took me ages to wash it and style it. Looking after it was becoming a chore. In that moment I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to let go of my long hair - release the heaviness and embrace the easiness, the lightness. I wanted my hair, which is one of the things about me that I really do love, to feel like a treasure once again.

So I got up this morning, called around to a few hairdressers and managed to find an appointment. Pretty good considering its a Saturday. I knew exactly what I wanted and dug out a few different photos to show the stylist. She did such a fantastic job. I LOVE my new hair and I feel exactly how I wanted to. My hair feels light, easy, manageable. It was a good decision.

A few days ago I was going through one of my draws in my art room and came across my journal that I created for part one.  It was so much fun to read through them and think back to the different activities.  I thought I had shared my pages last year but as it turns out, it appears I didn't get around to it.

Week one was all about courage, compassion and being enough.

Week two was about cultivating authenticity by letting go of what people think.

Week three we focused on self-compassion by letting go of perfection.

Week four focused on cultivating a resilient spirit by letting go of numbing and powerlessness.




Week five we focused on cultivating gratitude and joy in my life.

Not only was this course so much, but it really challenge me and how I am living my life...which I guess is the point right?  I can't wait to see what Part Two of this course has to offer.

Five years ago today, I made one of the most significant and difficult decision of my life.  The thing is, I have written and rewritten this post numerous times over the past few days as I am not sure how much I actually want to share. So, I'll move on past all the details and onto the difference that five years has made for me.

• These years have shown me that I am stronger than I ever thought possible.
• Instead of constantly living from one pay check to another and often not having enough money to pay the bills, I can happily share that all my bills are paid on time, I have a small savings balance and come February 2013, all my loans will be paid off. I will be debt free!! 
• I live in a lovely flat, with nice furniture. It's taken working two jobs and slowly buying new items once I could afford them but I'm there know.
• Most days my life feels much more peaceful than what it used to. I know longer need to be worrying about any sudden changes.
• I am a happier person than what I used to be.  
• I'm free to go where I want and when I want, and I can spend my money however I wish.
• I'm making new friends and am able to keep those relationships going.
• My confidence is growing and I am learning to stand up for myself more often.

Yesterday I went to the Free to Be conference held by HTB down in London.  It was fantastic. There were over 800 women who came together to celebrate through praise and worship and to learn and grow together.  This was a first for me - going to the beautiful Holy Trinity Brompton Church. Inside it was gorgeous with beautiful high ceilings, stain glass windows and fantastic architecture.  More amazing than all of that though, was the beautiful singing of 800 woman. Now that was truly amazing!


 Just before I get onto those bullets, the icing on the cake for the day was finding a delicious Lebanese restaurant in which we enjoyed a delicious lunch.



Now onto the all important highlights of the discussions:

♥ The pain of staying the same hurts more than the pain of change.

♥ We cover the things that we are most ashamed about, but God calls us to come out from behind it and into the light.

♥ Revelation is not transformation.

♥ A stronghold is faulty thinking which blocks me from God's best for my life.Truth and trust dispels the faulty thoughts. 

♥ Which ever coping mechanism you use in your life is the coping mechanism that you have CHOSEN to use!

♥ It is time to let go and be released from bondage. 

♥ Worry does not need to cripple you or your day.

♥ What we suppress has power over us so we need to bring them into the light.

♥ Balance is important to our health, body, spirit and well-being.

♥ You have a biological disposition to believe your worries are real.

♥ We need to face the fear and do life anyway!

♥ Fear is false evidence appearing real.

♥ We need to learn to tolerate some uncertainty in our lives.

♥ False beliefs need to be replaced by God's beliefs.

♥ If you change something, you change!

♥ God has given me the ability to respond well to bad things in my life.

♥ We can choose to produce a pearl or die. Things start on the inside.

♥ When you choose to Rise Up you change your perspective.

♥ Rising up changes your options.

♥ What you tolerate you will never change!

♥ Forgiveness is always about me.

♥ Who sits are your table is by invitation only.

♥ God changes me and I change my life.

Part of figuring out what you want from life, what is important to you is by figuring out what your values are. When no one else is around, when its just you and God in an empty house, what's important to you?

There is freedom in coming to the realization that this life is YOUR OWN! This gift is yours for the taking.

"So that's great" I hear you saying, "but what exactly is a value?" Well, a value is a personal choice you make about what is important to you..,and only you. Living your life by honoring your values can bring great peace and satisfaction.

Here are some questions you can work through which will help you to figure out what your values are:
• What are the three things I like most and least about myself?
• Who is the happiest person you know?
• Who are the two people I like and respect the most and why?
• Who am I?

By answering these questions, you will find out what's important to you...now don't be too hasty to "throw" one of your values away if it looks a little weird. Values can be anything including art, family, career, sport, free time, rest, love. Whatever yours are embrace them and challenge yourself to find one thing you can do each day to add more of that particular value to your life.

Today's my birthday, I'm turning thirty-one.  I can't believe that that's my age and while I have felt a little apprehensive about my future in the last few prior years, this year I'm feeling different. I'm feeling hopefully about the year ahead, about the good things that the year will bring.  I can't wait for the special day, I'm like a little school girl.  I normally create a list of goals for the year ahead, but this year I want to capture the lessons that I have learnt over the years.  This past twelve months I have come a long way, I have grown in confidence, figured out a little more who I am and with each passing day I am finding more ways to love who I am.

Here are 30 things I've learnt in my 30 years.

1. Make eye contact with people and remember to smile - it makes a lasting impression on those you meet and makes you feel happy too.

2. Being in debt sucks big time! If your making a decision about something, and one option involves paying for it later, its probably not the best option, unless its a house.

3. I am stronger than I think I am, no matter what comes up.

4.  Watch what you say about others. Things always get back and if your spreading gossip or little white lies, you are sure to be found out and then only end up looking foolish.

5. People are fickle – not everyone who say that they are your friends actually turn out to be.

6. Make sure that you find the time to do something you love at least once a week.  Do something that speaks to your soul and makes your heart sing. If you don't know what that thing is - take some time to find out. Try new things, go on adventures.

7. Buy yourself the expensive items you love. Perfume, jewellery, makeup - but don't leave it sitting on your dresser. Use it every single day and enjoy every minute of it.

8.  Always be reading something.

9. If you persistently seek validation from others, you will inadvertently invalidate your own self-worth. — Dodinsky

10. Choose your battles. Not everything is worth fighting for. Sometimes the wiser choice is to let things go and decide that your friendship or relationship is more important than being right.

11. Sharing other peoples successes makes me a happier person.

12. Figure out what being successful looks like for you. I am still figuring this out but feel like I am making progress.

13. Hand written letters and cards are still the best thing to get in the mail.

14.  There is nothing wrong with being 31 and still a romantic at heart, even if you haven't yet found your prince. 

15. Don't forget to capture the beauty in your life. Look out for it, both in the big things as well as the small.

16. Even thought I have lived in three different continents, it is A OK to still be proudly South African. South Africa will always take up a huge part of my heart.

17. Being a part of a community adds value to your life. No matter how alone you may feel, you can always reach out to like minded people, who come from all walks of life.

18.  This lesson, has truly become a part of me. Its helped me realise that the life changing decisions that I made almost five years ago was the best I ever made.  It helped me to figure out why I felt the way that I did, and why I just couldn't continue on the journey that I was on.


19. No matter what has happened in your life, no matter where you've ended up, you can always dream new dreams. Don't be afraid to get yourself new dreams when your old ones don't turn out how you thought they would.

20. Being a real people pleaser, this lesson has taught me a lot.... not everyone is going to like you. They say a third of people will not like you, the second third can take you or leave, and the final third are those people who love you. That final third will become your family.

21. Variety is the spice of life. Don't be afraid to try new things. Recipes, holidays, jobs.....whatever it is, just go for it. You wont know until you try and just because you try doesn't mean you cant walk away from it if its not right for you.

22. Have fun in this life - its the only one you get!



23. Find your own daily positive affirmations and say them out loud - every day!

24. Life is about balance, and I have learnt that it is very easy for me to lose that balance. So I have found that to help maintain that balance I needed to figure out what that thing was that would restore my balance....and creating is what it is for me.

25. Don't give up on yourself - no one else is going to fight for you.

26. Don't judge people before you take the time to get to know them. You can miss out on great people because you didn't take the time for them to be who they are.

27. Sometimes things happen. Change is just a part of life and we can either look at it as an uncertainty or as an opportunity.

28. Art is art, wherever you may find it.

29. Always live within your means - this leads to a much more peaceful and stress free life.

30. Remember to tell yourself every day that You are Loved. Regardless of if you have a husband or not, a boyfriend or not, children or not, a job or not........no matter what is going on in your life - You are loved.



So, what lessons have you learnt that you would want to share?