Last weekend my mom and I found this beautiful reservoir a short drive from her house. I fell in love with it the moment I saw it....you see, it reminded me of when I lived in the states. My best friend and I used to treat ourselves ever so often, we would grab an ice cream from Dairy Queen and make our way to the local beach. It wasn't the type of beach that you would swim in or ride the waves on, it was however a great place to sit, think and just talk.  I have missed having that special place - a place to just get away and breath.  Anyway, the moment I saw this place I knew that this would become my get away.  It's a little way from my place, but it will be worth the drive - especially in summer.

 These past few weeks I have had a lot on my mind.  I took some time off work and headed off to a caravan by the ocean - my very first solo holiday. My main reason for this break was to do some soul searching.... I have been looking for some answers, some direction for what feels like years now and more importantly I just needed to do this.

Well, the weather was horrible, it rained every day. BUT, i came away feeling like I had some direction. I knew what I needed to do and the timescale to which I was going to push to get it completed... and I was very pleased.  And then I came home and as much as I was consciously trying not to just get swept back into life, I think it happened anyway. 

So here I sit. I know what the plan is. I know what I need to do and when I need to do it. But here's the catch....it means more waiting.  I feel like i have spent the past four years waiting.  Waiting for time to pass, for my heart to heal and for me to work through my baggage. Waiting to meet THE one.....or even just A one.  Waiting to complete my degree. Waiting to pay off my loans. Waiting to buy a house and then to get a cat. Waiting to have my own beautiful children. Waiting for a new job. Waiting to finally lose the weight. Waiting to make good friends. Waiting, waiting and more waiting..... it's becoming a little exhausting. I'm tired of waiting - I desperately want some action. But I know I need to be careful not to push myself into any situations....because then I could end up in more trouble than I need.

So here I am, trying to find a way to live my life while waiting for all my hopes, dreams and desires to come true.  Trying to take it one day at a time.....and sometimes even one minute at a time.

I have been so sick this week, struggling to make it through each day.  But I have had to go into work, I have had to push through. It has not been easy and I am so grateful that my weekend has started a day early. 

So here I sit at home, curled up on the sofa with my favourite quilt and a cup of tea, catching up on a new TV series here called Once Upon a Time, patiently waiting for this horrible cold to work its way through my system.  Its almost 5pm and I have spent most of the day in and out of dream land, so I thought I had better do something with my day off which is why I am watching TV and blogging.....oh, and just in case you are wondering, I don't normally consider "doing something on my day off" to be TV and the Internet, its only due to my current status of germy.

With it being such a tough week this week, I thought it might be nice to share a few pieces of advice that I have received over the years which helped me through.

You can only do what you can do. While I have been forcing myself into work, I have been aware that I am not at full working capacity and therefore I cant expect to accomplish what I normally would in a day.  Putting that extra pressure on myself to achieve that would only work against me.

Keep hydrated. So I know this is a little odd, but my mom has always said to keep hydrated when your not well.....and to be honest, I guess its good practise to keep hydrated in all situations.

Not everyone is like me.  Now I know this is straight forward, but over the past few months I have seen an entirely different side of certain people.  I need to remember that what I would do for others, is not necessarily what they would do for me.

Listen to your body. Having pushed myself to go to work, I knew that I would need to take time out in the evenings to rest. The evenings of this past week have been spent resting on the sofa and going to bed early.  Now, I had other plans that really needed doing but I knew that I needed to pay attention to myself.

Don't be lazy. I know this applies to A LOT of different things but more specific for me and my situation, being lazy refers to choosing to not cook meals in the evening....instead I was considering doing takeouts or ready meals or nothing. But I realised that my body needs nutrients and protein to help build its strength and so, I made the effort and got cooking!

On my journey to lose 130lbs, I thought I might try something a little different. I have my big goal but I want something a little smaller, a little easier to attain and a little quicker to come to an end.  My idea?  Consistently changing monthly challenges.

I have some ideas for a few months but I definitely need more as time goes on. If you have any ideas feel free to leave a comment below.

Over the past few months, the one thing that repeatedly seems to trip me up at one point or another is the scale.  Or more specifically the numbers on the scale.  Sometimes, I find that those numbers end up dictating my day. How I feel about myself and the way my day is going to turn out. At times, those numbers looking back at me are enough to make me throw aside my healthy intentions and jump head first into my old habits.   

It's shameful to admit that I let those numbers have such an impact on my life.  That my self worth, happiness and values are tied up to them.  Especially when I know that I am a daughter of the King.  My head holds a lot of knowledge about the value that I should hold about myself - things like He knew me before I was born, He formed me in my mothers womb, He knows the number of hairs on my head and He Love me regardless of my weight.  Those are some of the things that my head knows......but that my heart seems to battling to accept. 


In view of the impact that the scale has on me - my first monthly challenge will be to ditch the scale for 30 days.  My focus will be off the numbers and on to the healthy habits. 

Here are my plans for this month:

1. NO standing on the scale...no matter how much I think I want to.  Those numbers are not going to impact my day to day life this month.  They are not going to predict my value or my mood.

2. I will not eat any chocolate. This is going to be a tough one, but it must be done. No excuses.

3. I will eat healthy, whole and unprocessed foods. My body deserves the very best. It can only work with what I put into it and therefore I need to give it all that I can. Nuts, fruit and veg, protein...all things that my body needs and wants.

4. I will be mindful of my thoughts. Thoughts are just there. Every minute of every day.  If we allow those negative and bad thoughts to continue making their way around our thinking, that is when we begin to believe them and eventually we start to behave in ways that confirm those thoughts.  I no longer want to live like that.

So this is my challenge for this month.  Would you like to join me?  Please do.