Its 7:43 pm

I'm sitting in the lounge, surrounded by papers, mugs and a yellow hue. This post is unplanned and unprompted. And i cant guarantee that its going to make much sense either....

I'm sitting here longing to be back on holiday, to be in a country that i love and where the feeling of dreams coming true seems within reach.  The few days that i spent at home before having to go to work were great.....and i know i have to work for a living, I'm just not sure i am in the right place.

One day back at work and i feel overwhelmed, out of my depth and unable to breath.  I knew it could possibly be tough going back today - especially with what i had to leave behind before i went on holiday; but i was just not prepared for today.  I thought i had it all figured out ( or at least more or less figured out ) and i felt like during my time away, God reaffirmed to me that He had me in this position for a reason. I felt it. I believed it. I was excited about it.  And then "it" became today and here i sit, uncertain if i can do this or if i should be doing this.....questioning what i thought i had heard. 

I'm tired, i haven't been sleeping well, and that is probably impacting my emotions and mood.

Exams are creeping up on me and I'm terrified, the biggest knot that i have felt in a long time.  Why is it that i never feel prepared enough.  Do i take a gamble and study only certain chapters - i don't have time to study them all in depth. 

My skin is shocking at the moment, i feel like a teenager with all these spots on my face.....probably a combination of travel, new medication and Proactive.

I have stayed within my Pro Points for the day, but i ate too many cake slices and now i feel rather yukky.....again probably an element of tiredness involved there.

I want to get up early tomorrow morning to have a quiet time.  I need guidance, direction and strength.

Enough complaining from me....I am after all trying to change my mindset and by doing so, my life. 

I'm off to cut out some study materials and then going to have an early evening.....

Night, night